Handel's Messiah

Why do your kids do what they do?

 Instituto Infantil Federico Froebel

(Institute for Young Children) 1st-6th grade
http://icpfedericofroebel.blogspot.com/

 They will reply with 6 reasons:

1. BECAUSE You Allow them...

They do what they do because you allow them, the children become what they are, because their parents allow it, so simple. If your child is making a mess of his life, this response you're not going to like and give me a million excuses, you're going to blame the music they listen to, the films they see, books they read (if they read), violence transmitted on TV, or to the pressure exercised by the society (or their friends), believe me, I've heard it thousands of times.... Think about this truth: your children are a product of your paternity  (in your way of educating him).

2. THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES FOR BAD BEHAVIOR.

The parents let their children do what they want, with very little information of what is acceptable and what is not. If they do something wrong, there are no consequences for unacceptable behavior. Sometimes we say: "If you do this, this will happen", and if you don't do this, this will happen", then they do what is wrong or inappropriate and nothing happens... They don't see consequences for their wrong doings...Then what do the kids think? "Hey, I can get away with anything (even murder)!" What message did we just send here?  Do you know what becomes of a father who does not meet the warned consequences in the mind and eyes of the child? He becomes a liar. At this point, the child has just lost all respect and trust in anything you say or do from this moment on.  Don't believe me? Ask him/her for yourself.  This is precisely how children learn to lie.

3. YOU TELL YOUR CHILD THAT THEY ARE SPECIAL.

Perhaps you're not going to agree with me on this, believe me that this was also difficult to understand and accept it but it is a reality. If you are of those who currently believe that your little angel is special, I regret to tell you that he/she is not.  If you tell your child that they are special constantly,  you end up doing more damage than good, your child is special for you and only for you, not for anyone else. Your child was born with all your love and watching them grow is marvelous and wonderful, however when he gets older and crosses your door to go to school, he is just one more child on a teacher's attendance list at school and there is nothing special about him.  In the real world, your daughter is not a Princess nor is your son a Prince, they are just like everyone else in this world trying to get a job or trying to get an a degree at a university. No special treatment here.  Children should understand and learn to understand that the instant they leave your loving arms and enter "the real world", no one will love them for the sole reason that they exist, for only a mother does this.  Once they leave for college and are off on their own- This is when they have to show everyone in the "real world" that they are important, have valuable skills to impart to a business or can contribute to society in some positive way that make an impact in the world and in their community.

4. YOU MAKE YOUR KIDS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE.

They are not. I know that you think that they are and will even demand that they are, but not so.  When you let your kids think that they are the most important person in your life, they learn to manipulate you and you will end up doing what they say. Your children are important, don't misunderstand me, your children should be loved unconditionally. 
Yet parents who put above all, the happiness of their children and sacrifice his/her own life including sometimes their marriage-- When you finish the work as a parent, your children will grow up, leave you and will go in search of their own happiness and you will stay only with your husband/wife.  If all your time and energy spent was only on your children, when they go & you do not have the certainty that your partner will be with you-- that's one of the reasons there are divorces once children leave, for the only thing in common they had were the children, b/c they never tried to feed marital love as a bond that the children were not. The same happens with the mothers and single parents, they spend time and energy to their children, they sacrifice their own lives, thinking it's best to serve their children and put your life "on hold" while helping them mature; Then the children grow up and they remain alone without a partner to grow old with...  Eventually, they end up trying to see their 50 yr. old child as one that's 4 years old instead of their actual age because this child is "the only thing" that matters. 

 

5.  FAILED TO TEACH THEM THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES. (Between right and wrong)

The children have among others the following rights: to life, to play, to freedom of opinion, a family, protection against negligent treatment, food, shelter etc. Privileges are often won by a particular action- Parents buy their children all sorts of things; the latest in video games, for example, or the best brand of clothing, name-brand shoes, or even a pet. We even take them to the movies or vacations (nationally or abroad), buy them the latest cell phones, (whatever 4G is) etc., etc. all free, for nothing. They have no idea how much all of this stuff cost... What you had to do to earn all of your hard-earned money being spent frivolously on a multitude of material things that eventually crash, break or just fade away... I say that although you have all kinds of wealth and price doesn't matter, you have to teach your children the value of a dollar and how you are to earn it.  He has to know (or she) that the things that you like cost money and you have to pay a price for them, even these things will help you in developing constructive and positive attitudes and behaviors.

6. YOU WORK IN THE SELF-ESTEEM OF YOUR SON.

The word self-esteem is a word made up of self: one person or ourselves as person, form of being.  Esteem: love or appreciation of ourselves, self-love.   You can't provide a positive or accurate assessment of himself/herself, if we confuse them by using double-standards or "reading between the lines".  Then if you encourage and support them to increase their self-esteem and all of a sudden change the rule to "If you have high self-esteem, you will have success in everything", this is where you have all kinds of emotional and psychological disorders but you can all the self-esteem in the world, but this won't guarantee their acceptance to their preferred university or that 'great new job'.  On the other hand, if you teach that hard-work, effort, dedication and commitment is what earns your success in school or work; which in turn, raises their self-esteem.  This will teach them to use this motivation/drive to do great things not only for themselves but for others and for their community.  'The success in your achievements will increase your self-esteem'. So if you want your children to have high self-esteem, teach your child to achieve their goals and dreams.

I hope that these 'tid-bits' of advice will help you understand the "why" many parents ask of their children's actions, decisions or behaviors.  For the old adage is true which says, "You reap what you sow."